Justice for Jerry.

By Austin Cannon
November 04, 2020
Advertisement
Credit: Jules Clark / Getty

Look, who among us hasn’t blamed ill-timed flatulence on the dog? Everyone’s done it. While very unfair to our dogs, it’s mostly harmless. 

But blaming the dog for your own body’s scorched-Earth campaign for five weeks—long enough to necessitate expensive veterinarian visits—is going a bit too far. 

Reddit user u/SexyFoodandFilms posted about such an experience over the weekend. It began more than a month ago. She and her husband were eating dinner in the same room as their dog, Jerry. Then a surprise odor reared its ugly head. 

“You guys. The smell was UNBELIEVABLE,” she writes. “It honestly smelled a little like rotten eggs.”

Because she’s pregnant, the woman is sensitive to some smells and had to leave the room. When they went to bed, the husband blamed the dog. (Strike one.) 

She writes that the nostril-burning stench began to appear again and again over the following week, overpowering the candles and incense she lit. She began to worry about her dog. Farts this bad weren’t normal. Her husband remained silent on the matter. (Strike two.) 

The vet recommended changing Jerry’s diet, and she complied. The farts continued. The vet ordered some expensive tests, which showed that Jerry was doing just fine. She really started to worry, what if there was an undetectable problem? What if Jerry died? 

She eventually burst into tears out of worry. That’s when her husband confessed. He was the source of the rank gas. (Strike three.) 

“Y'all, I lost it,” the Reddit user writes. “I kicked him out of the house.”

She lays out a damning case against her husband: He blamed the dog repeatedly. He said nothing when she took Jerry to the vet and even went to the appointments with them. He didn’t come clean until she had a breakdown. (Not to mention, his weapons-grade gas sounds truly frightening.) 

He was eventually allowed to come back home, but she did, rightfully, make him pay for all of the vet bills. He also went to a doctor about his nasty gas, and the physician recommended a diet change. (We’re guessing fewer eggs.) 

All of this is to say: If there’s a rancid smell permeating your home, look first at the man who lives with you. I am a man and can attest: We are gross.